To the collective dismay of sporting organisations around the country, the Irish government is moving to establish that cheering on your province in the Heineken Cup or supporting your county in the Guinness All Ireland Hurling Championships is turning us into a nation of drunkards…. Isn’t this a case of stable doors and departed horses?
The Irish people’s grá for grog has been well documented. Blame is variously apportioned to our climate, our temperament, our ancestry, our licensing laws and most recently our sports sponsorships.
But the truth is far simpler.
We are not a good looking nation and our legendary charm notwithstanding, booze substantially improves on what nature failed to grant us. Without booze we simply wouldn’t survive as a species. The Irish sexes would remain forever on their respective sides in the ballroom of romance and procreation would cease entirely.
Booze is the ultimate social lubricant. It greases the wheels of conversation and girds the loins of many a randy suitor.
We simply love to booze.
Witness the cringe inducing spectacle of “Paddies Down Under”. These intrepid youthful pioneers who venture to the other side of the globe to do precisely what they do at home. Get shitfaced with a load of other ugly Irish Paddies.
They can close our pubs early, they can add a whole euro to the price of a bottle of wine, they can rebrand our sports tournaments with politically correct brands of health food but they can never take our Dutch Gold.